Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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