I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
