Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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