i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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