YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just invented taco cereal.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
