I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
