i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
