This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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