KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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