How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
