My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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