Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
