dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
