I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
