i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
