I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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