I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
