I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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