I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
