She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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