There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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