Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
