Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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