I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
