***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
