when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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