there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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