WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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