Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
