Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
