Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
