I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
