Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
