Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
