exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
