sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
