first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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