Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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