Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
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Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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