So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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