the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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