i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
