I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
