I think my vagina is haunted
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
