Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize