Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
