i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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