Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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