I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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