Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
