is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
