Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
