I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Small penises have feelings too.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
