Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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