they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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