i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
