seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
