You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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