Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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