You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
