her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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