you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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