shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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